Bennett Lake, Carcross, Yukon Territory

Last night I got in touch with my sad lack of creativity and self expression. And once I really got what was missing, I decided that I wanted it back. Immediately I knew what I had to do. The most ridiculous, the most unreasonable thing I could do to reclaim that important part of myself was to write a book about all the places I have been and lived. Just like that. I declared this to a friend of mine and just saying it made me feel exhilarated and really terrified. What happens if in a month I get lazy? This after all was going to be my opportunity to get that passion for creating back into my life. What happens if I never did anything?

Thanks for sharing voice in my head. I'm hanging up now.

I have always worried that if I ever wrote down a story from my point of view that it would come off sounding elitist or (even worse) sappy and sentimental. I always worried that I would never be good enough and that people would think that I was full of it. In the last couple of months I have really gotten acquainted with how these “beliefs” have sabotaged my creativity and self expression. Because there was always someone better (and therefore I could not be the best) I never bothered to keep up with my writing or take more pictures or even try out new recipes for Pete's sake. These were reasons I told myself were true and they were to blame for not being my true complete self. In reality, it was a conscious decision I made so that I would not have to look bad. In other words, it is no one else's fault but my own that my creative side has become submissive and wimpy.

Well screw that. I've got a lot to say and I'm going to say it!

My boyfriend Rick would tell you that I am always watching the travel and food networks. If he doesn't already have the tv on those channels, I help myself to the remote and make the change myself. Poor guy, he doesn't really have a choice in the matter.

Cooking shows are so mesmerizing with the soft lighting and the even softer background music. And the food looks good too. I am often reminded of growing up and the moments right before dinner when I could practically taste (and sometimes I did) whatever awesome concoction my mom had put together for us. When I watch the travel shows, I wistfully sigh with each passing picture of a place I have never been but really hope to go someday. During all this, I watch the hosts, scrutinizing their every move, telling the television with not a little resentment, “I could do that!” or “Why did they hire her? I would be so much better at this and enjoy it more!” Rick thinks this is hilarious.

Since I cannot be on TV (yet!), I will start honing my skills in preparation for that much thought of FUTURE time. I am going to write a book!

Here's to being unreasonable!